Assistant to the MCC-K Pastor pens truths from his own
life
It has been a difficult month for gays and lesbians. Personally, I feel
like I have been attacked for just being me. First, an employee of an
inventory firm hired by the company I work for becomes hostile when he
discovers that I am the assistant to the senior pastor of Metropolitan
Community Church of Knoxville. “Oh, so you belong to the ‘anything
goes-do-whatever-you-feel-like-church.” Then he proceeds to justify his
harangue against me by quoting scripture. I politely removed myself from
his presence after several failed attempts to engage him in productive
conversation.
Next General Pace, the Pentagon’s top military leader and Chairman of the
Joint Chiefs of Staff, tells us that relationships between
same-gender-loving (SGL) persons are immoral and no different than
adultery among heterosexuals, He asserted that the military should
therefore not allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. The
day after his interview his staff, speaking anonymously, tells us that his
comments were his own personal conviction and that the General would
therefore not apologize for them.
Then before the media reactions are settled over General Pace’s
statements, Dr. Albert Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological
Seminary in Louisville, Ky., writes that it would be Biblically justified
for pregnant mothers to seek hormone therapy, if such therapy could
reverse any potential genetic cause of homosexuality in their unborn
children. Eugenics! Is this Nazi Germany?
Now, add insult to injury as twelve Equality Riders from Soulforce are
arrested on Monday of this week for protesting Dr. Mohler’s statements on
the campus of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dr. Mohler, General
Pace, and the former military Sergeant who verbally attacked me are all
allowed to spout their venom and hatred against us without fear of
reprisal, but the gay and lesbian Christian students who peacefully tried
to engage Dr. Mohler in conversation about their views and concerns about
his opinions and how hurtful they have been to a portion of God’s beloved
children are thrown in jail.
How do we as Christian SGL persons respond to the seemingly constant
demeaning speeches and statements by such groups as Focus on the Family,
Jerry Falwell, General Pace, Dr. Mohler, and others who feel it is their
right and responsibility to warn the world about the great threat that you
and I supposedly present to them.
First of all we have to understand that homophobia, promoted and
maintained institutionally and historically within the Christian church,
causes many people, including some of us, to believe that SGL have
deliberately chosen a deviant life-style, which apparently gives others
the right, even the responsibility in their way of thinking, to condemn us
and heap negative sanctions upon us. I have talked with dozens of SGL
individuals who have had this viewpoint drilled into them so thoroughly
that they can’t even begin to accept themselves as worthy, self-respecting
persons of faith.
A
young woman came to our church a couple of weeks ago looking for answers
to her numerous questions regarding faith and the fact that she was a SGL
person. She had gone to a church where she had been told she needed to
stay away from all other SGL persons, stop reading Christian SGL
literature (which was in their words “evil and subversive,”) get a
boyfriend, get married. Everything would supposedly then turn out okay.
Her reaction, “Date boys? But I don’t like kissing boys!”
She tried to follow their advice thinking that since they were Christian
and attended a seemingly good church they must have her best interest at
heart and must know what they were talking about. Not so. Her attempts to
go along with their suggestions resulted in increased anxiety and
depression as she denied the essential truth of who she was and how God
had created her. The tension resulting from this kind of imbalance in the
lives of SGL persons can and does cause serious mental health issues.
I know what I am talking about. Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, I did not
know a single openly gay person. I figured out that I must be one of those
‘homosexuals’ by age 11, but I did not tell anyone about my discovery. I
listened to the statements from pulpits and teaching lecterns at church
about the horrible homosexuals and how they would ultimately drag all of
civilization down with them. I kept looking for the ‘horrible homosexuals’
but could not find anyone that seemed to meet the descriptions I had been
given.
I explored my sexual feelings with other adolescent boys in my
neighborhood. For them it often appeared just to be something to pass the
time of day, just a sport, whereas for me it was something at the
foundation of who I was. The difference often became apparent when the
other boys I had been involved with would publicly refer to me as being
‘queer.’ I wanted to shout at them, also publicly, “And just how do you
know that I’m queer? Isn’t there something else you would like to tell
everyone? “ But I never did confront them. I was too embarrassed to have
my secret told aloud to worry about telling their secrets.
Like the young woman at our church, I was told by several pastors and
other Christian leaders that the only solution to my problems was to date
girls, find a good girl to marry, and everything would work itself out
eventually as long as I made what they claimed to be the ‘right’
decisions. I went through many years of inner turmoil trying to
reconfigure my inward self to the outward self others told me I should
have. I spent hours in prayer asking God to take away my homosexuality and
make me as others said I should be. I had internalized the wrong teachings
and came to believe that somehow I was being willfully disobedient to God.
I did meet a wonderful young woman with whom I did fall in love. We
planned to be married and in the weeks leading up to the marriage
ceremony, I went through some of the most difficult moments of my life
trying to come to grips with my conflicting desires. I wanted to be
married. I wanted to have children. But I also knew that I was gay and
could not see any way to bring balance to those seemingly divergent
desires.
Part of the problem was that I still didn’t know any gay people, and more
importantly, did not know anyone who believed or had experienced the truth
of being Christian and proud and gay. I had no role models, no one to
emulate, no one to share their experiences with me, no one to tell me that
there were other ways to interpret the scriptures and other ways to
understand life than I had been taught. I had never seen SGL committed
couples with or without children and did not even know such people
existed. I had bought into the lie that I was the only exception to the
rule, and therefore I was the one who was out of step with God and God’s
plan. I had internalized the homophobia of others and made it a part of my
own life even though I was gay. It was not a good place to be.
My marriage was full of conflict, some of it unspoken conflict over my
sexuality. I did not discuss my SGL feelings with my wife, because I had
been told that was of no consequence since I had decided to do the right
thing in the eyes of God and the church and get married. Some might
consider that lying. Yes, it would have been better to be as honest with
my former wife as possible, but I do not think it would have been helpful
to our relationship. Yes, she should have the opportunity to choose to
remain with me or leave me once she knew about my SGL feelings but church
and society denied us that kind of truthful discussion in 1971.
Homosexuality was still considered a mental disease back then. We were
both victims of homophobia. And so, the discussion did not take place.
Over the years I had the opportunity though to study and teach the Bible,
first as a Bible teacher within our churches, and later as I studied at
seminary to prepare for full-time ministry where I began to understand
God’s Word for myself. I found acceptance and peace within the Holy Word
of God that I had suspected was there, but was afraid was not meant for
me. I discovered that God knew me just as I was and loved and accepted me
anyway. God knew I was gay, because God had created me exactly the way I
was meant to be.
My wife divorced me after 32 years of marriage, not because of my
sexuality or any infidelity. Almost immediately I began attending
Metropolitan Community Church of Knoxville and found what I had been
missing in my life: the example of dozens of role models of happily,
committed gay and lesbian couples who had built lives together with and
without children. Here was a world I had heard existed but never been a
part of before. Here was a place where people knew personally about the
struggles and conflicts I had experienced because they had experienced the
same things. Here were people who accepted me and loved me just as I was,
just as God intended me to be when he created me. Here was a church whose
pastor taught that God welcomed everyone regardless of their problems,
feelings, or past. I must say that I have never been in a more truly
Christ-like community of believers.
That’s what we have to do: reclaim the truth of the scriptures for
ourselves. God’s tent is broad enough to include us and those who disagree
with us and find us abhorrent. Sometimes, like this past month, I would
rather that God exclude them from the tent, but God does not work that
way, and neither should you or I. But we can build faith communities in
which others can hear God’s truth without the taint of homophobia and
hate. We can help those who have been hurt and injured by the homophobia
of the historical Christian church to find a spiritual home where they can
be healed and help others heal.
When we have healed, we need to speak out forcefully and truthfully about
the injustice of using God’s word against us, and the absurdity of
churches teaching hate against others in the name of God. We need to
confront all forms of homophobia, but especially that which is being
taught by Christian churches and colleges and seminaries and that exists
on military campuses. It is time we speak out and confront the hateful
speech and ignorant ideology of conservative Christians who keep demeaning
us publicly.
I have great respect for the fifty 2007 Equality Riders with Soulforce who
have chosen to give up their studies, and work to travel this semester
peacefully protesting the homophobia and cruel treatment that gay and
lesbian students receive at many so-called Christian colleges. I have had
the privilege of knowing one of last year’s Freedom Riders, Dawn, a
wonderful young woman who along with her partner, Kat, was suspended from
Union College, Southern Baptist college in Jackson, Tenn., because they
were in a loving relationship. Unlike some who meet such treatment and end
up in depression, or even attempt suicide, these young people have taken
their adversity and turned it into purposeful peaceful protest. Dawn and
Kat were able to return to Union University last year and join in the
Equality Rider protests at the same college that had dismissed them. Now
that is courage in action!
If
you want to read their personal stories of facing homophobia in their own
lives, and read their personal blogs from their journey across America go
to Soulforce’s website:
http://www.soulforce.org/equalityride.
Please consider contributing to the support of individual Equality Riders
on the website. These young people need to know that the GLBT community is
behind them and cheering them on to success, as they confront college and
military campuses where homophobia is so rampant that even admitting you
are gay would result in your dismissal from school.
Homophobia is globally pervasive, and no community or school escapes its
reach. In 2006, during the inaugural Equality Ride, participants traveled
to nineteen schools and engaged students, faculty, and administrators in
conversation about the damaging effects of homophobic doctrine, the false
notion that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender identities are sick
and sinful. This year, the journey continues with fifty young adults going
to thirty-two Christian colleges and universities. Two buses are taking
the group on two distinct routes around the country in creative pursuit of
social justice. In doing so, they are empowered to change countless lives.
Love liberates the oppressed, redeems the lost, and resurrects the spirit.
A
young woman came to our church a couple of weeks ago looking for answers
to her numerous questions regarding faith and the fact that she was a SGL
person. She had gone to a church where she had been told she needed to
stay away from all other SGL persons, stop reading Christian SGL
literature (which was in their words “evil and subversive,”) get a
boyfriend, get married. Everything would supposedly then turn out okay.
Her reaction, “Date boys? But I don’t like kissing boys!” 
‘queer.’ I wanted to shout at them, also publicly, “And just how do you
know that I’m queer? Isn’t there something else you would like to tell
everyone? “ But I never did confront them. I was too embarrassed to have
my secret told aloud to worry about telling their secrets.
If
you want to read their personal stories of facing homophobia in their own
lives, and read their personal blogs from their journey across America go
to Soulforce’s website: 
