I am truly at a loss as to where to start in speaking of my
relationship with Michael. As many of you know, I worked with him for more
than two years in my capacity as the East Tennessee Bureau Chief for Out
and About Newspaper. His enthusiasm for a good story and his commitment to
his work endeared him to me early in our relationship.
We bonded early as two people who lost our Mothers to murder by their male
significant others, both shot and killed just as we were entering young
adulthood, both denied justice by the criminal injustice systems just
twelve miles apart. The devastating effects of this common experience
bonded Michael and I in ways that only someone who has experienced this
kind of tragedy can truly understand.
Michael had a way of reaching out to people that was both charming and
forthright. He would often not hesitate to tell you what his opinion on
any given subject, but he was also warm and sweet. I remember how he
reached out to Kristen Ehrens when she discovered her co-worker dead at the
Knox County Health Department during the time she worked for the Centers of
Excellence. Kristen was the President of Knoxville Cares then and
was in the midst of a divorce. Michael's thoughtfulness in sending her a
gift is typical of his generosity of both spirit and material goods. He
may not have had a lot of the latter, but he was willing to share with
anyone in need.
His love of plants and gardening were common ground for Michael and I as
well. He worked so hard to make his home a lovely and inviting place with
his bedding plants outdoors and house plants indoors. I have a suspicion
that gardening was therapeutic for Michael as it is for me. Although we
never discussed it, I know that communing with Mother Earth is as good for
the soul as the results are for the eye.
Not too long after we became friends, Michael gave me a beautiful box. He
told me that I was to keep my memories of him in that box. I thought the
gift a bit odd at the time, but as I look back now, I am grateful. Did he
see the future? Did he know that his time on earth was drawing to a close?
I will never completely know the answer to those questions, but I do know
that the box contains many things that will keep the memory of Michael
alive in my heart.
We never discussed spiritual matters to any great degree. Michael knew
that I am as committed to my Path as he was to his. Both of us are
strong-willed, highly-opinioned people, and I think we both knew that we
should avoid that topic. But I am glad that Michael had his faith to
comfort him in his hour of need.
From his days as “Naomi” at the Carousel II, his stint as a publicist for
Knoxville Cares, and his many contributions to Out and About Newspaper,
Michael was a person that will remain memorable for the Knoxville
community for a long time to come. I hope that in offering this memorial,
I can extend his memory and provide a place for those who miss him to
visit and remember his life.
With that, I respectfully post the memorial written by Jason
Ramsey, Michael's partner.
After you spend over six years with someone, it is hard to wake up in
mornings alone, and you walk around the house and talk to them. Then you
remember they are not here, or you see something out of the corner of your
eye and think it is them. It is something you do not see much of in a gay
lifestyle, and everyone told us how lucky we were. I think I was the lucky
one, and so were the people that knew Michael.
We talked about everything together and were best friends. We would just
drive around and take trips, just on moment’s notice. I learned a lot from
Michael, and one of the biggest things is that life is not easy, but it is
what you make of it. From our trips to Nashville, to holidays with the
family, and anniversaries with just the two of us, Michael did a lot for
this community, which I know from experience is not the easiest task. Even
knowing how much we loved each other, I am still learning that you truly
do not know what you have, until it is taken from you.
We did not agree all the time, but never got mad over it. Even when I was
in my opinionated moods, he still listened to what I had to say and
listened, and I listened and learned from how he viewed things. He never
had an easy life, and after his mother was murdered, he had to grow up too
fast. I guess the most I can say for Michael is that I learned how to love
again and learned what true love really is.
The last year of our lives together was the roughest and the happiest. In
November, I decided to come to my senses in a sober moment and realize I
had a drinking problem. I checked myself into the hospital and ended up in
the ICU. I was unaware at the time, but after two weeks in the hospital
for liver failure, I was told I was not expected to live through the first
night. I did and made a full recovery, and now I am a stronger person in
many ways for that. I would have not gotten through that without Michael
always by my side as well as family and friends.
After that, Michael got sick again, after years of complications with
ulcerative colitis. I see now that I was given a second chance for a
reason, to be there for him. He finally decided to go to the hospital and
after over 10 hours in the emergency room, we got him to a room. Things
did not go as expected, and they told us that he needed his large
intestines removed. He had the surgery, and all went good for such a
traumatic surgery. We were up and walking the next day. No one could
believe Michael's drive.
I stayed at the hospital for 23 hours a day, scared to death. Even with a
medical background, a hospital can still be a scary place when you are on
the wrong side of things. With only four days left until he was to be
released, his small bowel ruptured, and he was once again taken to
surgery. The news was not good, but nothing ever prepares you to get that
call that you do not want to ever get. Less then 24 hours and another
surgery later, the surgeon called me from home and told me to go to the
hospital. He said that Michael was on life support.
We did not have things we should have: living wills, power of attorney,
etc. After being the first to get to the hospital and calling all the
family in, I had Michael left on life support, but had the blood and TPN
stopped. With his father's permission for me to make all the calls in the
ICU, I put a DNR on him. His father was the last one there as he lived
three hours away. I finally decided it was time. I left the family with
Michael and told the nurse to call in the Chaplin and start turning
everything off. After about 10 minutes of everything being turned off and
holding him in my arms, the hardest time of my life happened as he died. I
always wondered what it was like to pass out, but did not want to learn
that way and luckily did not hit the floor.
As in life, Michael did have one last thing to do. After I laid him back
down and leaned down to kiss him goodbye, his body jerked, and he bit my
nose. I took that as a sign that he will always be with me. I miss you
Michael and will never forget you, and thank you for all of those years of
wonderful memories.
Out
and About Newspaper. His enthusiasm for a good story and his commitment to
his work endeared him to me early in our relationship.
From his days as “Naomi” at the Carousel II, his stint as a publicist for
Knoxville Cares, and his many contributions to Out and About Newspaper,
Michael was a person that will remain memorable for the Knoxville
community for a long time to come. I hope that in offering this memorial,
I can extend his memory and provide a place for those who miss him to
visit and remember his life.
I stayed at the hospital for 23 hours a day, scared to death. Even with a
medical background, a hospital can still be a scary place when you are on
the wrong side of things. With only four days left until he was to be
released, his small bowel ruptured, and he was once again taken to
surgery. The news was not good, but nothing ever prepares you to get that
call that you do not want to ever get. Less then 24 hours and another
surgery later, the surgeon called me from home and told me to go to the
hospital. He said that Michael was on life support. 
